First blog post

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All The Feels

So last nights, The Walking Dead really needed a group therapy session afterward to process this loss as a group for our fandom. The Talking Dead was good but I feel we need more. I have not cried that hard in a long time, seriously, I was less distraught at Jacks death scene on This Is Us.

Our shows become a little part of us. I have watched the transformation of Carl Grimes from scared little boy to hero. I honestly struggle with the idea of moving forward with the show but I know I will. I am a true fan not a fair weather fan. It just seems the one thing we think will never happen hits us out of nowhere. I knew when that walker went down that night he may have bit Carl.

Why did we watch Carl go through so many trials and near deaths to loose him now. I mean I feel his story was just really getting started for him to lead up to being the leader of the group. I also still have my angst at the idea of Judith’s blood holding the cure for a vaccine because Lori was infected when pregnant. But then I go back to not having to think he was dead as many times as Glenn and I am so thankful.

I think we all had our I just cannot stand Carl moments especially the Carl post prison. I secretly hoped he would get bit then but then his character settled down and I felt guilty. But now what is to become of Enid, I mean how will this affect her. I mean the questions just keep coming.

But Chandler Riggs is one extremely talented actor. He has done that show proud and created a character that will be immortal among our fandom. He is humble and will have a bright future ahead of him. So thank you from the bottom of my heart for the great memories and tears shed since the show began.


i am not=crying not crying not crying.....okay im crying!

A New Journey

Happy Monday! If you know me very well then you know I have curly hair that loves to frizz. My hair is also very thin and I was recently loosing a lot of hair due some medications. My friend gave me some Monat samples. I am hooked.

My hair is manageable, fuller, and feels amazing. It has worked so well for me, that I decided to become a Monat market partner. This is a new journey that I am so excited for. This is a product that I love, use daily, and know it will be changing for so many. It is not about selling the product, it is about helping others feel like I do now that my hair has found new life. I cannot wait to share more with you.


Frustration Is Real

What is frustration? Frustration is when your child was out of school for eleven days due to being sick with flu like symptoms (tested negative twice) then got pneumonia, you feel he is able to go back especially since on day the school was closed for the flu. Well, I was wrong. He was back for two days and now he is back to having triple digit fever. I am so frustrated.

He is going back to the doctor today. It really bugs me because he is so sick and will not get better as long as other kids are being sent to school sick. One day out of school will not stop the spread of flu. They need to bleach bomb and be out from a Thursday to a Monday then returning on a Tuesday. That is my point of view. I know others who are on their second round of the flu and are just as frustrated.

I feel people need to do more than just share Facebook post that say if you have a fever, cough, headache or body aches to stay home. They actually need to do it and if their kids are sick do it too. My poor little guy always wants to get perfect attendance but no way this semester. So that is my frustrated momma rant for the day.

Carry on my friends, carry on.


Flu, Arkansas Weather, & Me

So far I have been really lucky. I have not gotten the flu despite working in a school that shut down one Friday to help reduce the flu spreading. My youngest son woke up last Monday so sick with a high fever. His flu test was negative. Then two days later, he woke up even sicker and we found out he had a double ear infection and pneumonia. It happened so fast which was scary. He once again test negative for the flu. The statistics are that one in four flu test that are a false negative. I think he was one in four two times.

The weather is not helping at all. He is back in school this week but tonight we are in a winter weather warning for a freezing rain mix while south Arkansas could see severe storms. Then it will be over fifty the rest of the week. I feel no one can get well with our roller coaster ride of high and low temps. I am ready for sunny and 65. But I do still kind of want at least one pretty snow day.

Mom life has had me exhausted but I am so thankful my baby boys is doing better. I have both my twins coming home from college this weekend. They are both not going to be able to be here for their little brothers birthday party next weekend. So they are coming to spend time with him this weekend.

Breaking Busy

Oh my goodness, it feels like forever since I’ve been able to sit down and write. Well a lot has been going on at the Hicks House!! 2018 looks to be a busy one but also a blessed one.

Well my dad retired after forty years. I’m very envious of all his free time and now look forward to my retirement. He’s been a huge help to me because this last week Hogan tested negative for the flu but had all the symptoms. Then midweek, he was diagnosed with pneumonia. He’s better now but forgets he’s recovering when he wants to do something and gets tired.

Arkansuds has allowed me to become an Amazon Handmade Artisan! This means my soaps are high quality and can be sold on Amazon. This is so exciting for us.

The twins are back to college. Shane loves college still. Dyl is talking photography and started his own company with his friend. It’s called Pine St. Pictures.

That’s about it to catch you up!

Here’s to Year 38

38 Years, that is how old I became in December 23rd. I’m excited for year 38. I feel that it is going to be the best yet. I won a signed book by Charlaine Harris on the 22nd. Then I will be married 20 years in June and in May graduated high school 20 years ago. I’ve been married over half my life at this point.

Is my life what I thought it would be, not exactly. But am I happy, yes. I have dreams and goals for before I am forty. Those are what I’m waiting for. I really want to see the beach and build a sustainable homestead, write a book, take my kids to Disney and meet Michael Rooker and Norman Reedus. I mean some are realistic.

So know that no matter where you are in life, it’s where God meant for you to be! So here’s to year 38 and the excitement of where Gods going to lead me!

Emotional Movie, Coffee, and Me

This morning was day two of Christmas Break. My new coffee mug full of how coffee, comfy pjs, my llama and cactus blanket, and then I turned on The Shack. It has Tim McGraw so naturally it is a must see. I had heard good things about this movie too. The story really related to me and I will share with you how.

I turned on The Shack which really drew me in. It was a beautiful story. I can so relate to the anger and complicated grief from the lost of my first cousin a year ago. Though we lost her at 23 to Cystic Fibrosis complications and the inability for a match for a double lung transplant. I had never experienced grief at this level and it hurt. I was angry and angry at everyone, everything, and so angry that God did not answer my prayers. I wrote daily in my prayer journal asking for God to heal her and a match to be found. It did not happen so I felt I was not heard.

But then over time, I came to realize that it was not God I was made it. It was just the easiest emotion to have at the time. It was easier to place blame than allow myself to grieve in a healthy way. As soon as I started coping with my grief in healthy ways, I began to understand that it was not that he did not want to answer my prayers but he was saving her from the pain she was enduring due to her lungs not working as they should. It was selfish of me to want to keep her here.

Now I can laugh at the good memories and cry when I miss her but it is okay. I no longer associate her memory with anger and the anger that was hardening my heart. Sometimes we just have to remember to know God is in control and not to question him. She is with HIM and one day we will be together again. I have to know that until that day I am okay and God loves me and will carry me through all my trials and worried here on earth.

So this was just not another random movie I watched but a story that hit me on so deep of a level. I cannot imagine the tragedy that the family in the story endured. But I know how it feels when we let go of anger and allow God to restore our hearts after a season of hurt in our lives. I am so thankful for such a loving heavenly Father.

Christmas Break Lazy Day

On the first day of Christmas Break, I gave to me a lazy day on the couch watching movies. Well, I started out wanting to watch four but I got through two before I thought of a million things that I need to do. So then came the laundry, which led to the kitchen being cleaned then it was the living room and I just organized my computer desk. So yeah, I am awful at being lazy.

The first movie that I watched was written and directed by Jeff Nichols, an Arkansas native. “Loving” was so good. He did an amazing job staying true to the story and not making it overly dramatized or long and drawn out. The simplicity of their lives and their love was the highlight which made me love it more. I cannot imagine a time when two people would be persecuted for being in love and their children considered illegitimate because a judge and townspeople did not agree. I feel these two are not honored enough for their bravery and actual changing of the constitution. Their love is timeless and has gone down in history. I highly recommend watching it if you have not.

Then it was onto the next movie, Bad Moms. I am sorry but it was hilarious. I did kind of cringe at the language but it is 2017.I so know that bad mom guilt. We can pretend to be perfect or we can be real. I prefer to be real. I may leave the house in my pajama pants and look a wreck to take my kid to school. It is all good because it is the love we give our kids that matter and the time spent with them and being there for them instead of the façade we project. Embrace you sister! Lift  each other up and avoid tearing each other down. This life is not a competition but a journey we travel together. Find your tribe and love them hard.

So know I am going to return to my endless chores I think about doing because well they never end it seems.

The Grad School Struggle Is Real

This semester, has been one like no other. My professor has literally made my life a huge ball of stress with a huge heaping side of inadequacy. I really was broken. I felt that I am surely not this misguided and clueless. I read the readings, ask questions, and I have never made lower than a 95 in my Masters of Mental Health Counseling Program but here I sit with a 74% and will have to retake for higher grade if my last discussion post do not bring it up to a B.

This professor has literally talked down to me in discussion board, been absolutely no help with feedback and really just made me think that maybe it is me, I know I struggle with criticism because I am a natural people pleaser (yes, its a burden not a gift) so I feel I let her and myself down. Then I learned some things.

I was not the only one with this exact same experience. I was also not the only one whose made to feel inadequate. Several peers best was not good enough. They also had all As up until now. So what are we to do? My first inclination is to do a horrible evaluation because well they deserve it but then this is not really the answer, the content was good but the way that it was presented was what I could not grasp. So maybe I do need to reflect on myself and how I can improve. My other peers are kind of thinking along the same lines. But still should we have been made to feel the way we are.

I feel sometimes people forget that those in graduate school programs in their late thirties are mothers, fathers, work full time, husbands, wives, and stay up late and wake up at 4:00 am to work on their assignments. It is not because we want to this we would love to be able to focus on classes and get done faster but that is in a perfect world not in the real world. We do not do it to just be doing it, we do it to better our lives, to be able to have our dream career, and to help others in our community as well as other areas.

So needless to day, I feel I need to contact my advisor, find a way to appreciate this challenge, give praises to God for getting through this class, and be ever so thankful it is over.


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